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How come it gets so lonely like this..?

Curl myself in a big ball and..die? naay sleep more like it

As most weekends, I’ll spend few hours by reading. Or sleep. These two are the activities I love so much at the moment. Almost like an escapade! Have you ever felt so bad and scared and you wish it’ll go away or change when you next wake up from your slumber? I do all the time. I mean, I wished for it all the time, but whenever I woke up, the world seems like it was before I went to sleep. No change except newfound courage and words to self saying – I can get through this one! If it was that bad, I almost don’t want the day to go by, scared shit to face the truth. And I’m the Denial syndrome sufferer at its best. But I persevere. At least I know I tried to face the reality. Be it a consequences of my actions or whatever that needs my decision, I want to do my best. But sometimes, I did not. Still, it makes my day to know that life does not revolve around me only. I don’t ever want to be a hypocrite bitch that is self absorbed and insensitive. I hate them kind with passion. I hope I’ll never turn into one.*Shudder* And did I tell you why I love reading? well, I want to get myself lost in the pages. That’s why. And I’m not that choosy when it comes to books. Oh well, everybody has their own way of unwinding, let loose, chilling out or whatever you may call it. Bottom line is we want to escape from it all once in a while. When things getting unbearable, pressures building up and you feel tired thinking about it, Get yourself away from it. Trust me! You’ll come back or relook at it with different perspective and fresh eyes!
But if it doesn’t work, do this type of quiz instead hehe..

A is for age: 30

B is for beverage of choice: black coffee with lil sugar

C is for career right now: auditor

D is for your dog's name: no dog but 2 cats at My parents house

E is for essential item you use everyday: wrist watch

F is for favorite TV shows at the moment: CSI

G is for favorite game: Super Mario

H is for home town: Jerantut Pahang
I is for instruments you've played/play: Recorder

J is for favorite juice: Mango

K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: self absorbed kind!

L is for last restaurant you ate at: PizzaHut

M is for marriage: No sign yet, really I dunno

N is for your full name: Sanisah Salehuddin

O is for overnight hospital stays: last year, broken wrist during futsal game

P is for people you were with today: office mates

Q is for quote: The only way to have a friend is to be one – Ralph W Emerson

R is for biggest regret/mistake: not study hard enough when it most crucial to do so

S is for status: single and having as much fun possible

T is for time you woke up today: 6.30 am

U is for the underwear your wearing right now: normal, practical one

V is for vegetables you love: lettuces

W is for worst habit: chewing nails

X is for x-rays you've had: wrist

Y is for yummy food you ate today: chocolates

Z is for zodiac sign: Pisces

Got this from zzeed.blogspot.com

Listen : Screw - Paris Hilton - i am a universal listener, you see?

count your blessing, dear

This is what I felt yesterday..

Feels like shouting on top of my lung, kicking and crashing my head at the wall! Arghh!! Shit!Stupid F*&^!Shit, Shit! Hmm..I suppose this is how it must feel if you’re lamenting on the fact when you just sold off your share at the stock market and for the love of my life, The price keep zooming up right after that!! Aiyoh..really, this stock market thingy is not for faint hearted people. It really cranks you up, you know. The anticipation and endless guessing (and praying) for the price to go up and when it reached your target price, you’ll decided to sell and you thought you will be content (and thankful) but no, dear! You will feel even worse when the price keep going up and up! At least that’s what I’m feeling right now. Like this bitter taste in my mouth and regretful thinking I’m having inside my head. If only I’d more patient and had more guts to wait for higher price. Arghh! Damn it! Let it go, Chah. Rezeki di tangan Allah swt kan. Really, I know I’ve been blessed in so many ways. For that, I’m most thankful to God.

And today, I (try to) feel content. Alhamdulillah..and not to check the share market website. okeh, must get back to work.

Later.

Listen : I'm your angel - Celine Dion & R. Kelly

Mundane Tuesday

Just so if you might want to know more about me... (Right, this is actually an attempt to fend my sleepiness away)

1.Am left handed – yep. I’m using my left hand for writing, holding microphone / racquets for sports etc, but I also know how to use both fork & spoon properly, thank you. Somehow, If I’m only holding one spoon (like for soup) then its automatically goes to my left hand where it’s suppose to be my right hand holding it, well, I did not realized it until someone point it out to me and well, I still couldn’t be bothered anyway.

2.March is my month. I am a Piscean; I love all fish in general.

3.I even have a same birth date with my eldest sister – March 10 but different year lah, hers 64 and mine 77.

4.My favourite colours are purple, red and turquoise. But I always ended up with more white t-shirts than I need for. Boring!

5.I am only using 1 type of perfume at a time, meaning I don’t do ‘perfume collection thingy’ where you have racks full of various bottles of perfume. I will choose & decide what smell I like, bought it and wear it till the last drop before I’ll go and buy another (probably same) smell or whatever that attracts my nose. My all time favourite is Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana but currently I am wearing Femme by Hugo Boss.

6.I can sing. Friends & strangers said so. But I don’t boast it around la. And I love to hear my friends who can sing (or have guts to sing their hearts out). I can’t stand the tone deaf people, though.

7.I have fear of heights, but I also love roller coaster and other rides which will catapult you like 20 metres above ground and spinning and let you dangling on air, its pure torture. I know

8.All time favourite band – The Beatles

9.Favourite authors – Ken Follet & Stuart Wood- these 2 fella can keeps me awake until wee hours. Ahem! with their books, I mean.

10.I hate preserved chillies, you know the chili jeruk? Hate it with passion. And I also hate the kuah petis for rojak buah, I can’t eat that. And oh yeah, I cannot eat ground nuts – in any forms, but I can take other kind of nuts like hazel, macadamia etc (so ngada ngada kan?)

Listen : Listen - Beyonce

Happy Days Ahead!

On the eve before my 30th birthday
I am pushing all the fear, uncertainty and worries away...
30s such an unchartered territory
One would ponder and longingly remember their youth’s dreams crumbled like debris...
Many plans and wishes were like million years ago
Some best be forgotten, some does make me feel hollow...

Today come at last
Dreaded but whirl me fast...
Where will tomorrow lead me next?
Only time and God knows best.
For I am such a small speck in this universe
Making my way around and keep on traverse
Finding what would fulfill me most;
My happiness and self believe that I’m not again to be lost.


Kafe Nana @ Jalan Pekeliling
10/3/2007 -- Happy Birthday to self!


Listen : Ku di halaman Rindu - Lefthanded

6 Weirds Things About Myself

I’ve been tagged by Ashraff & Aliff ‘s Mom to do this 6 weird things about yourself meme. Spent few days thinking it over (‘twas hard , man!) and after some soul searching (cheh!) I think these are 6 weirdest things that I can think of. Probably other people have their own ideas of weird things about me, I mean for all I know some might be able to come up with 12 or 24 weird things about me, No? I hope there aren’t lah. Since this is my blog kan, here goes;

1. When I worried too much or having repeated thoughts about something bad or shitty stuff, it will usually turn into reality or really happened to me! Arghh!

2. I am obsessed with man’s hand. I love to secretly watch a man’s hand (family, friends, colleagues or strangers) and see their long (or short) fingers, palm, wrinkles, calluses, hair at base of each fingers and clean nail, of course!

3. I can name all 50 states of United States of Americ@. It started when I had to prepare for a quiz during primary school and somehow the information won’t dislodge from my permanent memory. (Not that weird, i suppose)

4. I will always reread my favorite books (every of 5-6 months) simply because I love the plot which is interesting and superbly crafted, the characters felt like someone I know (better still, I wish I am one of the character!) and it always make me feel good that I did not forget what’s the story is about whenever I look at the cover.

5. I love to see, meet and be around small girls and boys age 6 or below. They are so cute, fresh and I love their innocence way of looking at this world. Some would want to grow up so fast; some were still clinging to their mom and never want to be separated.

6. And yes, I still bite and chew my nails! I know its disgusting but sometimes when I’m deeply thinking(and worrying), I’ll subconsciously put my fingers inside my mouth and grit my nail. That is why I can’t cure my cough 100% and imagine the tape worms inside my stomach..eeurrgh!

If it's your last day on earth..how would you like to live it? - Dr Grey

Oh my god! Did I ever tell you that I love Grey’s Anatomy?? I almost worship the series! Arghh! And tonight was such a heart wrenching episode! Nail biting to the end and the emotions that oozes from the story are so powerful. It really connects – the plot, the cast and yes, McDreamy is very yummy! Indeed. Ok, getting back to dreaming of that gorgeous man whom I doubt will ever make his way into my life! Hahha ..

Yummy isn't he?

Listen : Don’t forget to remember me – Carrie Underwood