What Independence Day did to you..

Yesterday Malaysia celebrated 52nd Independence Day! Yay to my beloved country.

And over the long weekend, I had some time to reflect and ponder. Then, it just hit me. Like 'Bamm!' and I realized that some days on a rare occasion, I kind of like my work and what I’m doing for living. But most of the times, I freaking hate this job. If it isn’t for the money, I’d surely had blown this job into oblivion! Seriously. I cannot fathom the reason why I’m bothered to stay anyway. I’d be whining how much I hate my job to friends and almost bore them to death with my sad & sorry life. What makes it so hard for me to leave? To just walk away from all of these? Apart from the financial reason, I think the single biggest reason why I’m rutting here is due to ‘the unknown factor’. I am scared shitless to start all over at a new place, getting to know new colleagues, trying my best to fit in, urgh! That’s a borderline to a nightmare for me. It’s kind of funny because friends would be saying, ‘it shouldn’t be a problem for you because you’re such a friendly person’ well, as friendly as I am as to the next Miss Congeniality, I actually hate to be friendly all the time, people. Really, I know it’s my nature, being born under star of Pisces and all, but can a person sometimes go against their nature? They can, right? People change every day, I think. And what you read in horoscope not necessarily depict a real you and your truly self. Of course you’ll be a fool to let those prediction rules how to live your life. I am an example of how hard it is to leave my comfort zone. Even the thought of leaving would give me a minor heart palpitation. So distressing. Yep, it’s that bad.

But the thing is, after 7 years and half you know it's high time for you to pack and leave. Things have stopped being rosy many years ago. And it merely just a job now. The hunger has gone, the initiatives has long since wilted away. I need a change. Badly. So help me God.

Listen : Move Along - All American Rejects